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The Poopy List Collection and Other Toilet Terminologies
The Best Pickup Lines Known To Man
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My favorite lines:
In the produce department, "How can you tell if these things are ripe?"
At the laudromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?"
"You don't sweat much for a fat girl."
"Hey, doll, is this guy boring you? Try me instead! I'm from a different planet!" -Zaphod Beeblebrox, Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Once, I was in a coffee shop and while the waitress was pouring my cup of coffee she said, "Say when." Response: "As soon as I finish this coffee." All it got me was a nasty look.
I liked the pick up lines used in the movie Gregory's Girl:
"You know when you sneeze, it comes out of your nose at a hundred miles per hour. Choo! just like that." and, "D'ya know how they make veal? They hang babay calves upsode down and slit them from top to bottom and let the blood drip out."
Needless to say, both were useless.
We musn't forget the one used by Les Nessman in WKRP: "Hi, I'm incredibly rich."
Well, ok, I'll tell a story on myself. I once had a lover confide to me that she had had many men tell her that she had a beautiful smile, but that I was the first to tell her she had a "terrific grin". I guess it worked!
overheard in a rural bar: "Hey, I know you! You were Miss Ohio last year, weren't you?"
overheard on a NYC street: "Wow, I like your jeans. Did you design them yourself?"
"What a lovely dog! Does it have a phone?"
The next one maybe doesn't qualify, except as a counterexample. College cafeteria, enormeously long tables with benches for seating 40 on each side. Girl alone at one end of bench, no one else sitting at either side of the table. Prospective picker upper(?) approches, carrying tray with lunch. -"Excuse me, is this seat free?" Girl looks slowly over him, from head to toe, waits till he's almost ready to put tray down. -"No." Girl lowers her eyes back into book.
"Lie down; I think I love you."
"Want to go to my place for some data? 1600 BPI -- the good stuff!"
Gee, you look like my sister
For example, if you are italian, you would say:
Want a little italian in you?
Holds true for whatever ethnic group you belong to.
'Course there's always "Your face or mine?"
What's a nice girl like you doing on a face like this?
We at the NA40 Institute for Advanced Research in Pop Culture have come up with the following classick lines:
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little. Let's have breakfast together; shall I call you or nudge you? If I weren't so romantic, I'd shoot you. I can't help noticing that you left your peas.
The first time I saw you, I could sense that there was a strong emotional bond between the two of us.
Isn't my father your tax attorney? I bet you have delicious thighs. If you went swimming with me, I'd lick you dry. Do you believe in love at first sight?
You've got the bluest eyes I've ever seen. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love. [from the forthcoming album]
My friend and I have a fifty-cent bet that you won't take off your blouse in a public place.
I only have a month to live, and I feel like I've never really lived before. My appendix is about to burst, would you drive me to the hospital?
I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
You look remarkably like our gardener. Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice? I know a great way to burn off the 300 calories in that pastry you just ate.
Nothing you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters now is that we're together.
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